March 29th, 2022
With Dr. John Demartini, a world-renowned specialist in human behavior, a researcher, author, and global educator. Facing physical ailments and learning disabilities as a child, Dr. Demartini committed himself to the life-long study of self-mastery. Selected as Top Human Behavior Specialist of the Year for 2020 by the IAOTP for his outstanding leadership and commitment to the profession, Dr. John Demartini is the founder of the global education organization, the Demartini Institute which has over 72 courses on self-development, life mastery, and leadership in its extensive curriculum. Dr. Demartini travels full time around the world addressing both public and professional audiences in media, talks, seminars, and consultations where he teaches people self-governance and how to develop their leadership and empowerment in all areas of their lives.
Biggest takeaways (or quotes) you don’t want to miss:
- “We have this fantasy that we’re supposed to be, I want to be loved and appreciated for who I am. But we’re not willing to be who we are.”
- “We can’t love looking down on somebody, we can’t love looking up to somebody because we’re going to minimize ourselves and try to change us into others or change them into us, which are both futile.”
- “We have utility when we actually appreciate people and communicate what we love in terms of what they love. And that’s the art and science of mastery of life.”
Check out these highlights:
- 04:52 Dr. John’s pivotal time at age 17 and why that was so impactful for him.
- 09:07 What’s his mission?
- 10:41 The act of leaving home at 13
- 25.43 The Demartini Method
- 40:42 The concept of leadership
- 46.11 Seven areas of life
- 51:49 What would he like to leave people with
How to get in touch with Dr. John Demartini:
On social media:
Learn more about Dr. John Demartini on his website full of valuable resources here.
Imperfect Show Notes
We are happy to offer these imperfect show notes to make this podcast more accessible to those who are hearing impaired or those who prefer reading over listening. While we would love to offer more polished show notes, we are currently offering an automated transcription (which likely includes errors, but hopefully will still deliver great value), below.
GGGB Intro 00:00
Here’s what you get on today’s episode of Guts, Grit & Great Business™
Dr. John DeMartini 00:05
We have this fantasy that we’re supposed to be, you know, I want to be loved and appreciated for who I am. But we’re not willing to be who we are. We’re either looking down on people and exaggerating ourselves too proud to admit what we see in them inside us. Or we’re looking up to people minimizing yourself to humble to admit what we see in them inside us. And neither one of them are us. They’re just personas and masks and facades that we cover our real nature with. It’s only when we look across with equanimity within ourselves and equity between ourselves and others, that we actually have an authenticity and that we can love. We can’t love looking down on somebody, we can’t love looking up to somebody because we’re going to minimize ourselves and try to change us into others or change them into us, which are both futile. We have utility when we’re actually appreciate people and communicate what we love in terms of what they love. And that’s the art and science of mastery of life.
GGGB Intro 00:59
The adventure of entrepreneurship and building a life and business you love, preferably at the same time is not for the faint of heart. That’s why Heather Pearce Campbell is bringing you a dose of Guts, Grit & Great Business™ stories that will inspire and motivate you to create what you want in your business and life. Welcome to the Guts, Grit & Great Business™ podcast where endurance is required. Now, here’s your host, The Legal Website Warrior®, Heather Pearce Campbell.
Heather Pearce Campbell 01:32
Alrighty. Hello, I am Heather Pearce Campbell, The Legal Website Warrior®. I’m an attorney and legal coach based here in Seattle, Washington, serving entrepreneurs throughout the US and around the world. Welcome to another episode of Guts, Grit & Great Business™. I am super excited to bring you today. Dr. John Demartini. Welcome, Dr. Demartini.
Dr. John DeMartini 01:59
Well, thank you. I’ve been looking forward to this, Heather.
Heather Pearce Campbell 02:01
Yes, I have too. I’m going to introduce Dr. Demartini, first, but then we’ll talk a little bit about how I was first exposed to his work. So for those of you that don’t know Dr. John Demartini, he is a world renowned specialist in human behavior, a researcher, author and global educator. He was just recently selected as a top human behavior specialist of the year for 2020 by the IAOTP for his outstanding leadership and commitment to the profession. Dr. John Demartini is the founder of the global education organization, the Demartini Institute, which has over 72 courses on self development, Life Mastery and leadership, several of my favorite topics in there in its extensive curriculum, Dr. Demartini his knowledge is the culmination of over 40 years of cross disciplinary research. As an educator, he travels full time around the world addressing both public and professional audiences in media talks, seminars and consultations, where he teaches people self governance and how to develop their leadership and empowerment in all areas of their lives. And a few other little tidbits about our guest today. He was born on Thanksgiving Day, one of my favorite days, he wore hand and leg braces to correct a birth defect was diagnosed as dyslexic and with a speech impediment Young and his first grade teacher said he would never read or write. He left school at the age of 14, and at 17 years old in Hawaii, he almost died. And then his life was changed by a message from an older man. Stay tuned, because you’re in for a real treat today and this conversation. So welcome, Dr. Demartini. So happy to see you.
Dr. John DeMartini 03:54
Thank you for having me again. Thank you.
Heather Pearce Campbell 03:56
Yeah, absolutely. Well, and I know before we went live, you were saying he’s currently on a boat off the coast of Mexico. So he’s not getting we were chatting a bit about his travel schedule, right. And as it says, in your bio, you are a renowned a world traveler.
Dr. John DeMartini 04:16
I have on flights, I’ve gone over 20 million miles and flying and I don’t even know how many 1000s of miles on sailing. So I live on a ship. So I’ll move around on my ship, if I’m not flying somewhere close to Mexico today.
Heather Pearce Campbell 04:32
Yeah, that’s amazing. Well, you know, going back to this pivotal moment, right, I spent some time on your website as well getting to know a bit about you and share with us for those that haven’t heard your story share with us about that pivotal time at age 17 And why that was so impactful for you.
Dr. John DeMartini 04:52
Well, I had learning disabilities as a child. I as I said I was told by my first grade teacher In front of my parents, I’m afraid your son is never going to be able to read or write. He’s not going to be able to communicate effectively. I don’t expect him to mount much of over a foreign life, but put him into sports, because he’s since to excel now running because I was where were braces till I was four. When I got out of braces, all I wanted to do is run. And I was good and balanced. And I was pretty good on a surfboard. And so I left home when I was 13, 14. I hitchhiked to California and Mexico to go surfing and 15. I pan held enough money to make it over to Hawaii and I lived on the North Shore of Oahu at 15, almost 18 A week before my 18th birthday. After nearly dying there in Hawaii. I I had a really close call with the brush breath to death while I was surfing actually, my diaphragm stopped because of strychnine poisoning and right almost died from them. I was led to a health food store led to a little sunset recreation hall where the yoga class was giving a guest speaker and I attended that I never went to classes. But something told me to go to this thing. And I met Paul Bragg. He was the lecture. And in one hour, this man absolutely shifted the trajectory of my life. He what he said was so profound, that it made me think that maybe just maybe I could overcome my learning problems and someday becoming intelligent. I mean, I was I was serving intelligent, but I never thought I was going to be book intelligent. Because I didn’t read a book until I was 18 After I met him. And then I that shifted my life. And I started to listen to what he said, I started studying with this guy, I took advantage of every time I could with him. And that led me to take go back to California, hitchhiked back to Texas, take a GED, which is a high school equivalency test, guessing and somehow miraculously passing. And then I tried to go to school, and I failed again. And almost gave up on my dream about learning how to be a teacher and be intelligent. After meeting Paul. And I bombed the test, I got a 27 I needed a 72 to pass, like, bombed the first test ever tried to take in school. And I failed it and my mom saw me crying. And she said someone happened i said i I blew the test. And she didn’t want to say and finally she said son whether you become a teacher and travel the world, like your dream, when you return to Hawaiian right giant waves, where we turned to the streets and Panhandle as a bomb, like you’ve done. I just want to let you know that your father and I are going to love you no matter what you do. We just love you. And when she said that my hammer into a fist I, I looked up and I saw a vision of me standing in front of a million people speaking articulately, probably a dissociation of some form. And I said to myself, I’m gonna mask this thing called reading and studying and this thing called Teaching and traveling, and I’m going to do whatever it takes trouble, whatever it is, since I’ve ever price to get my service of love. And I said, I’m not gonna let anybody stop me on the on the face of the earth night myself. And I went to my room, I went first I went to my mom, and I hugged her and thanked her for saying that. And then I went to the my room and I got a dictionary out. And I started memorizing 30 words a day in a dictionary, until my vocabulary was strong enough to pass through. And then I never stopped reading since that time, and that was 49 years ago. And I am so grateful that I never gave up on that. And now I’ve traveled the world. I’ve spoken in 159 countries, I believe. And I just constantly on the go, and speaking and researching and teaching.
Heather Pearce Campbell 08:52
I have some questions for you related back to childhood. But you know, the schedule that you keep now what? What’s your mission? What’s your drive behind all of that? That’s a lot. That’s intense. And I think most people would not be able to keep that up.
Dr. John DeMartini 09:07
Yeah, I do. Probably an average is around 350 presentations a year and somewhere between 500 and 1000 interviews a year. I write a lot of books. And I keep a lot of consulting and stuff i i learned a long time ago if you don’t fill your day with high priority actions that are meaningful, inspiring and fulfilling to you, your day fills up with things that aren’t. So I just fill up my schedule seven days a week with what I love doing. I’ve delegated everything else away. I don’t do anything but teach research and write and of course travel but I don’t do that I have a captain for the sailing and I’ve got pilots for flying but I just teach research right. And that’s it. Everything else is delegated. I haven’t cooked since I was 24. I haven’t driven a car in 32 years. I haven’t Don’t do administrator for finance. I don’t do anything but teach research. I have a very inspired life, doing what I love.
Heather Pearce Campbell 10:08
Sounds like it doing your your highest, fulfilling your highest passion and purpose in those functions.
Dr. John DeMartini 10:15
But my mission is to do that. And I’m focused on the mission, I don’t let anything distract me from that.
Heather Pearce Campbell 10:24
Take us back to your childhood. And even you know that the act of leaving home at 13, especially nowadays, right, that’s like, that’s a challenge and a big thing in and of itself to share a little bit with us about what led to that.
Dr. John DeMartini 10:41
Well, many people would think well, that’s because you had some sort of crazy family or something like that. No, I, this is kind of funny. It’s a funny story. I was my parents lived in the country. And we had a house and a barn. And in the barn was a pool table. And my dad and I were playing pool in the afternoon one day. And after we played a few rounds, I said, I need to get all cleaned up and fixed up. I’m going into town. And he said, Son, you’ve been into town almost every day this week. You know, he used to ride my bicycle 13 miles to go into town because we lived out in the country. And they said, so you need to stay home tonight. And I said, Well, no, I’ve got plans, and I’m going into town. He says no, you need to stay home tonight. And what he didn’t know is that a buddy of mine had his parents out of town. And we had his house. And I invited my girlfriend, and he invited his girlfriend, we’re going to go out there and we’re going to kiss and make out. You know, when you’re 13 you kiss and make out kind of stuff. Well, I did anyway. And this hot chick was coming. And I was like I wasn’t going to pass that up. And I didn’t want to tell my dad, I was going to do that. Because that would blow the whole thing. So I said, I said, Well, I’m going into town and he says, No, you’re staying home tonight. I sit but I’m going into town. And I’ve said final. And I stood up to him. And he said, if you go into town, you don’t come back to your decision. If you’re deciding you’re going to be a man and stand on your own two feet, and you’re going to defy what I’ve asked you to do tonight. And I don’t think you really meant it. He just he just tried to get me to stay home that night. I packed my bags I took off. Because I was not passing up that deal. She was the hottest girl that I could the hottest girl in the class. And I was like not passing this, this kissing moment up. So I left. And I don’t think my mom kept saying to daddy, sure. This is what you want to tell him. Yeah, holding his ground. And this was the last time I think I ever had any disagreement with my dad in my entire life. I mean, he was pretty cool guy. But I took off and I I started becoming kind of a street kid and hanging out at friends at first and in the park and a bowling alley. I mean, I just I became a street kid. And not because I was kicked out of the house not because I had any mean family. But my dad saw that I wasn’t academically smart. And that he saw that he tried to make me street smart at a young age and accountable. I mean, I had to pay for clothing, food and rent at home when I was nine to try to learn how to become you know, accountable in the real world. He was actually a great blessing again. And I did do labor work around the neighborhood just to to pay for that. And I’m grateful for that. But I think that was the starting point of being a street kid. And I lived on the streets 13 and 14 I hitchhiked out to California. And when a great adventure, and then down all the way through Mexico. And 15 I made it over to why finally, I just want to go surfing because I wasn’t able to do a school and I just want to do something I can excel out and surfing with something I could excel at.
Heather Pearce Campbell 14:00
So that episode of for lack of a better summary calling your dad’s bluff, right? Like okay, then I’m out of here. Like, did your parents just resign themselves to the fact that your mind was made up? Or were their efforts are cute like I’m so curious about that, you know, being like a real point on your timeline where you truly were independent after that.
Dr. John DeMartini 14:26
Well, like I said, my dad taught me that when I was nine I went to my dad and I said, Dad, I want to buy a baseball and a glove and a bat and he said okay, I he said have you mowed the yard? Yes, sir. The view edge of the sidewalk is served you sweat the sidewalk? Yes, sir. You clean out the garage. Yes, sir. Have you done the hedges? Yes, sir. Have you clean out the gutters? Yes sir. Do you shine my shoes? Yes, sir. Have you pulled all the weeds? Yes, sir. He said son I don’t have anything else needs to be done. If you Want to make money? Because I don’t just give you things because that’s not the way the world works. You’re gonna have to go the neighbors and find jobs and try to earn some money and value yourself and learn how to make an exchange. And so I went to the neighbors and I started doing landscaping and all kinds of activities. And they paid me they were they pay me well, but my dad said, I see you got a baseball glove and a bat now, you know, how did you do it? And I survived did what you said, I went to the neighbors and I started doing landscaping and mowing and things, weeding and stuff. And removing wasps nests and stuff. I mean, whatever I could do. And he said, Well, where did you go? What equipment did you use? But I said, well, the equipment the garage he symbols on, I can’t let you use the garage equipment without charging for that. And I said, Oh, well, how much? And he said, Well, that’s what did you do. And He charged me $7.50 for that. And I said, Well, I don’t have that I’ve spent all my money. So Well, that’ll teach you that you got to pay your taxes, you got to pay for your cost and business. And so you’re gonna have to make it up. So you’re gonna in the next jobs, you’re gonna have to figure out and save some of that and put it and pay me back. And then you’re going to pay me for the use of those things. I know, darn well, but he but he was, he was actually loving me enough to make me accountable for life. That means preparing me for the real world out there. And that wasn’t, you know, considered child abuse, as you would call it today, which I think sometimes we are not being fair to our children, not teaching him that person. But I think, you know, then I had to get resourceful to make more income. So I, I hired three groups of three kids in the neighborhood to help me with the landscaping, I got two more people in the neighborhoods, equipment. And I was selling the deals, and they were doing the work and I was training them how to do it. And I made like, $45 in debt after everybody’s paid off, paid everybody. And the neighbors are charging the same thing. My dad charged me. I didn’t did it. $45 you know, in some days, which is worth about five or $600 a day in with with inflation because I was 1963. And my dad saw that I was doing that was thought it was pretty smart. You know, he said, you’re doing great son, but you need to do something you need to save your money. I said, Well, okay, because if you keep spending it, you’re going to be living, you know, week to week. So he got me a coin collection said and he got a piggy bank. That piggy bank sits in my office today. It’s never been open since 1963. It has the same coins in there. And I use it as a metaphor to think long term, 63. Long time. So in it’s got some buffalo nickels in it in 1901 penances worth quite a bit. And what’s interesting is a the coin collection said I eventually sold but that that coin Pat bank is got the original coins in it that’s sitting in my office as a metaphor to to remind her to think long term. And he said, Now that you’ve learned how to save now that you’re buying things and you’re paying things and saving things, you’re learning how to do it. Now you have one last thing you need to learn. I said what’s that he says I need you to know what what slide to be accountable for clothing, food and rent, trying to prepare me for the world because he knew I couldn’t read. So He charged me 750 A week, dollar basically a day dollar 15 cents a day. And I’m very grateful for that. But it wasn’t what I liked having to pay. But looking back at it now what a great gift he gave me because it pushed me to have a drive and to make sure I did a great job and made sure I was fair exchange with the neighbors and they can try was able to pay that. But he said now that you’re doing it, you’re free. You’re free to go anywhere you want to go on your new bicycle. And I literally would drive on my bicycle 35 miles and turn around and get back. He said just be home at nine o’clock. That’s all you have responsibility. If you have to be home at nine. If you want food, you need to take it with you. Otherwise you need to buy it. That was cheap. In those days. You could eat for like 25 cents on those. Right? And so my dad was training me at a very young age to be independent. And my dad dreamed when he was around 30 years old. He dreamed of going to California and started to take a bus across America to California but had to get a job in San Antonio, Texas, met my mom end up getting transferred to Houston getting pregnant, married and never made it to California. So I told him I’m hitchhiking to California. He says Go live your dream. Go live your dream. Don’t let anybody stop you from your dream son. If you want to ride the biggest waves in the world go you’re independent. You know what to do go.
Heather Pearce Campbell 19:50
Okay, let’s take a pause and hear briefly from today’s sponsor. Today’s sponsor is Melanie Benson the authority and amplifier. Melanie is also the host of the amplify your success podcast. She can be found online at melaniebenson.com. Melanie’s superpower is helping entrepreneurs like you identify and activate their own unique positioning to become the highly paid authority that their ideal client knows likes and trust. After spending 21 years guiding talented entrepreneurs to success and 15 years in Fortune 500 companies, Melanie brings a unique integration of proven success, business acumen and soulful intuition to each client. Clients who work her amplify roadmap can see a 5x growth within the first 90 days, you can find out about the AMPLIFi roadmap and more at melaniebenson.com. She has an amazing array of free tools and additional resources that will help you in building and scaling your business quickly creating Magnetic Messaging and attracting exactly the right client. If you visit Melanie benson.com, you currently get access to 10 revenue rush strategies, where you can discover the 10 fastest ways to quickly increase cash flow and develop a more profitable business. This is a tool that has worked for almost 5000 clients already, again, visit melaniebenson.com. And now back to today’s amazing guest I’m fascinated by the level of independence he was able to give you right even as a kid that that had these struggles, right that didn’t fit the quote unquote, norm or wasn’t, you know, in modern terms typically developing or whatever you want to call it, right? I love that he was able to help you with those lessons in a way that like looking back you appreciate now, I grew up not not under the same circumstances, I didn’t have some of the challenges you had, but was a family of six. And also at a fairly young age. I mean, at age five, my dad was sitting me down and having a talk about like, if you’re going to go to school someday, you got to pay for it, you got to figure out a way to get yourself there, because he’d been promised by his dad, that if he worked hard and did the family business and all of this, that he would, he would be paid, you know, at the time that it was came time to go to college that his dad would pay for it. And he couldn’t ended up not being able to do that. And so my dad learned the hard way that, you know, he couldn’t rely on that. And he had to go during the railroad and do all sorts of things to pay his way through school. And so he started young with us just saying you guys are going to pay for it. And you’re going to learn how to save money. And so we did you know, all six of us ended up knowing the value of work. I think I got my you know, like you at a pretty young age was walking the neighborhood’s and asking the rake leaves and you know, this kind of thing. And, and like you I look back on that experience now, because in high school, kids were buying fancy clothes and doing crazy stuff in my mind with their money. Whereas I was like, You know what, give me the $5 jeans from Shopko or whatever, because I know how hard it is to work and, and value money and keep money and save it. And so you know, the benefits of that are long lasting. Love your piggy bank.
Dr. John DeMartini 23:32
Immediate immediate gratification cost long term vision pays. My dad taught me not to live by immediate gratification. Yeah. And I’m grateful for that. And people, you know, I was speaking. I was speaking in New York, this is hilarious. I was speaking at the Learning Annex in New York City back in 19. I mean, 2006, I think, and there’s maybe 400 people there. It’s not a big group. And I told the story about this, you know about my dad and going to the, you know, leaving home and all that stuff. And this lady puts her hand up. In my middle my talk right in the middle of it, she says, Dr. Demartini, I would love to know the contact details of your father. And I said, Okay, any particular reason? She said, Yes, I’d like to report him to the Child Protective Services Unit because he’s abused you as a child. And I looked at her and I said, Are you kidding? Is this a joke? She goes, No, this isn’t a joke. What your father did is inhuman. And I said listen, ma’am, I said I am very grateful for what my dad did I wish more people would have done that with their their kids. I think it would have probably made them not entitled and not you know, living in a false expectations. I said so but I’ll be glad to give you his address and I gave her him his sim at the cemetery plot rooms plotted.
Heather Pearce Campbell 24:57
Oh, it’s well
Dr. John DeMartini 24:59
Away. It’s funny, but she was a wounded person and was angry at men and fathers and was punishing men. Because she’s still a victim of history not a master of her own destiny.
Heather Pearce Campbell 25:11
Right, right. Well, and this, this raises for me actually the introduction to your work, which I was telling you right before we went live, going through the Demartini method, like the power of perspective around these things that trigger us or feel like a weight or some amount of like negativity in our life. And I know it’s a bit of a shift. I want to I want to hear more about your story. And can you take a moment and explain for people that are listening what the Demartini method is?
Dr. John DeMartini 25:43
Well, the method is something that I set out to develop starting at age 18. Literally a team early after after receiving aids to six by six by six foot wooden crate some books for my uncle as a gift, because I my mom asked me for my before my 19th birthday, what do I want for Christmas? And for my birthday, I said, I want the greatest teachings on the face of the earth by the greatest minds who ever lived from around the world. And she said, You sure you don’t want a t shirt? I said, No, I want the greatest writings on Earth. And my uncle sent, I mean, 1000s of some of the most amazing Nobel Prize winning pieces, great philosophers, I mean, powerful books he sent me. And I just lived, reading those things. But at that time, I read Leibniz, his discourse on metaphysics and the principles of quantum mechanics by Paul Dirac, I started devouring that I have a dictionary out multiple dictionaries out just to understand half the words in it.
Heather Pearce Campbell 26:42
All right, I was gonna remind the the listeners that you said just a few minutes ago, you did not read your first book …
Dr. John DeMartini 26:51
Yeah, but remember, I was going I was developing 30 words a day. So 30 words a day is 10,000 words a year. So I was knocking out, I was developing my vocabulary and extensive rate, really more than 30 words a day, because I was every time I’d see a word I didn’t know, I looked up an encyclopedic dictionary, I wrote it, I rewrote it. I just kept doing that. So I’m now reading a discourse on metaphysics, and he said that there’s a hidden order in life that few people ever get to see at and that entropy was missing information. And if you actually see the, the wholeness and not that missing information, which is the unconscious mind, you can see the hidden order life and be grateful for life. And I want to find a way of, of experiencing, I want to build a method on that. And so I set out really at age 18, to build this method. And a method is a series of questions that make you conscious of information you’re unconscious of. So when you’re emotionally charged with infatuations, or resentment, or Brandeis pride or minimize shame, and you’re not conscious of both sides, and seeing yourself and getting authentic, and not appreciating other people for their authenticity, it’s asking questions that bring balance to the mind, so you can appreciate others and yourself to the fullest. And it’s a simple, step by step methodical process that allows you to love just about anybody, anytime, no matter what they’ve done. And people don’t understand that. So they do it and they go, Oh, my God, this is powerful. Well, right, I’ve taken 1000s and 1000s of people through this process, and I have about 7000 facilitators, sharing them around the world now in all different industries.
Heather Pearce Campbell 28:32
And so that’s, that’s how I learned of it was through one of your facilitators. Yes, likely will. And I think they’re probably people listening now that are like, what, like that I that I could have the capacity to love. I mean, some people are gonna understand the, that there’s room for that they may not know how to get there, right? And others are going to like not even feel like there’s room for that. What do you what do you say to those people that are like, No, I can’t even can like this person has harmed me so badly in my life, or this thing was so detrimental, like there’s just no room for me to feel like I could love them.
Dr. John DeMartini 29:07
Well, that’s only because they haven’t taken the time to look at the other side. You know, there’s nothing the mortal body can experience that the mortal soul can’t love is the old proverb. And I’m a firm believer that if you ask the right questions, and become aware of the other side of your misperception, you can go beyond your subjective bias and get into an objective understanding of how the universe is working. You realize that as long as you’re addicted to protection, you’re going to attract aggression. As long as you’re addicted to support you’re going to get challenged. Nature has a way of keeping things in equilibrium. And many people don’t realize that they’re addicted to their amygdala is response to avoid predator and seek prey, avoid pain, seek pleasure, and they’re always addicted to one sided fantasies. And life hurts when you’re not getting the fantasy. And so I try to teach people how to actually appreciate life in its fullness for both sides. Paper trying to get rid of it. themselves to love themselves and half of other people to love them. Half of the world did love it. There’s nothing to get rid of. It is something to love in all parts. When somebody is nice and mean and kind and cruel, there’s no human being it’s one sided. And if I walked up to somebody and said, You’re always nice, you never mean their own intuition. We go now, can they really think at times and they’ve been mean, if I said, you’re always mean, you’re never nice to go? No, I can think of times I’m in Nice. If I said, sometimes you’re nice. Sometimes you mean to go, Yep, we all have those sides. So trying to get rid of one half, or trying to get other people to get rid of one half is delusional. So I add the method helps you transcend those limited amygdala driven mana polar pursuits, and allows you to embrace both sides of life, and be graced by what’s happening. When you can say thank you to whatever’s happening in your life and life is on the way, not in the way you have a whole lot more to be grateful for in life than if you’re sitting in comparing your current reality to a fantasy how it’s supposed to be, and never appreciating your life.
Heather Pearce Campbell 31:01
Well, and even you know, the way you summarize it before asking questions that bring balance to the mind, like even just saying that, to me, just brings a level of peace and spaciousness that I think a lot of times we don’t permit ourselves to have, right, or we don’t know how to, to have.
Dr. John DeMartini 31:20
We have to be, you know, we go around, and we want everybody else to be accountable. But accountability means to bring things into the balance sheet, seeing the assets and liabilities of yourself and other people and bringing it to balance. And what’s interesting is, we have this fantasy that we’re supposed to be, you know, I want to be loved and appreciated for who I am. But we’re not willing to be who we are. We’re either looking down on people and exaggerating ourselves too proud to admit what we see in them inside us. Or we’re looking up to people minimizing yourself to humble to admit what we see in them inside us. And neither one of them are us. They’re just personas and masks and facades that we cover our real nature with. It’s only when we look across with equanimity within ourselves, and equity between ourselves and others, that we actually have an authenticity and that we can love. Be can’t love looking down on somebody, we can’t love looking up to somebody because we’re going to minimize ourselves and try to change us into others or change them into us, which are both Utah, we have utility when we actually appreciate people and communicate what we love in terms are what they love. And that’s the art and science of mastery of life.
Heather Pearce Campbell 32:28
Right? And, and there’s there’s so much truth and pain in the reality of what you express about people, you know, basically denying half of themselves, right trying to love themselves for the good parts. And we do so much shaming and humiliating ourselves for the bad parts, right. And I think until people actually do the work of walking through the exercise, and I want you to like run us through a very short example that will highlight, especially the looking down on right, how many of us feel conflicted in a relationship with somebody who exhibits a trait that we really dislike in ourselves, even though we’re unwilling to own it. Right, walking through that process? And then I also love your process of trying on the Great. Will you share a little bit about the Demartini method and how it applies doing both those directions?
Dr. John DeMartini 33:21
Yeah, well, both the heroes and the villains are all inside you. We know we want to we want to break the law of causality. We want to think what’s out there in blame somebody or it’s out there and credit somebody. And we’re basically blaming the devil and looking for a savior all the time in our consciousness, instead of realizing that that hero and villain is inside us that saint and sinner is inside us. And it’s all reflection of us. But what the Demartini method is, is a series of questions. And the first question is what specific trait action or inaction? Do you perceive this individual displaying or demonstrating that you dislike or admire most, you’re looking down on her up on and you define it and you keep it to a very specific trade, not broad, vague generalities, you know, but really specific, what are the actions that they’re demonstrating? Then you go deeper and you go, Okay, now go to a moment wherein when you perceive yourself displaying or demonstrating that same or similar specific trade action in action, you admire despising them. And now you have to own it quantitatively and qualitatively, to the degree that you see it in them. And everybody goes, but I don’t do that. I don’t know. That’s what you’re starting from with your pride. Let’s go deeper. And let’s not make anything up. Let’s look again. I guarantee I’m doing a couple 100,000 people personally, and when they look, they go, Oh my God. And they start remembering all the moments when they’re displaying that trait. And then the ones that actually feel ashamed of that they’re they’re burying in there. And that’s why this person’s reminding about that. That’s why they’re avoiding them and angry at them because they’re mining what they’re feeling ashamed. Right and The only reason to feeling ashamed is they didn’t see the benefits of when they did that to other people. So then once we own that 100% Then we go another step, it’s now go to a moment where and when you perceive this individual displaying or demonstrating the specific trade action and X you admire despise most, okay? At that moment, what’s the downside to you have that trait you admire? And what’s the upside? Do you have that trait you despise? And now you have to hold those accountable until the advantages and disadvantages are flat. And at first you think what, but it’s a bad thing? No, there’s no evil or good until you with your own biases, label it such. I try. And Milton said, you can make a heaven out of a hill or a hell of a heaven. There’s all of us have had things we thought were terrible in a day, a week, a month, a year, five years later, we look back at all thank God that occurred. It was this thing, we think it’s terrific. And then we find out oh my god, I had people that go off to my dream house. Six months later, a year later going friggin house security, cleaning, maintenance repairs this that now, all of a sudden, they’re saying, Oh, I didn’t see those the beginning. So when you’re infatuated, you’re blind to the downside. When you’re resentful, you’re blind to the upside, the Demartini method makes you get beyond blindness and make you see both sides at the same time. And now you’re fully aware. And when you finish that, there’s other questions about 80 questions and all if you want to do more. But when you’re done you all you’re sitting here is poised present. You’ll see the purpose and the order of why things are the way they are nothing to change in you relative to others or others relative to you. There’s no pride and shame. There’s no infatuation resentment, there’s just a feeling of grace and love for this individual. Then Then you realize the noise in your brain is gone. And you’re present. Then you go, wow, that’s way more powerful than my addiction to fantasies and relations that I’ve been running my life by. Now you realize that there’s a hidden order in life. And there’s the apparent chaos was your incomplete awareness, your mindlessness, not your mindfulness?
Heather Pearce Campbell 37:02
The thing that really stood out to me about that exercise, when I did it is, and I’ve done it in, I would say smaller ways, like not sitting down for eight hours a time and like plowing through in a really deep, deep way. But but in a moment, because the way it was described as is this process, having the ability to help us dissipate these charges, right. And when I think of a charge, it’s either like, You’re drawn towards something, or you’re repelled away from it, right, we can all I think, recognize those feelings. And having having that dissipate, you know, this feeling of like having peace and being present, and the noise is, you know, gone. Just even the the idea of that, because how many people are kind of run ragged by their responses to things or the weight of some of these things that really bog them down, and especially this point that you mentioned, about not needing to change others not needing because how many of us have been caught, especially once we recognize the power of this exercise have been caught in that pattern of like, Oh, if this person would just do this, or behave this way, or, you know, show up like this in the context of the relationship, it would be so much better.
Dr. John DeMartini 38:18
Yeah, but you’re trapped, you’re trapped there. Because you’re living in a causality. No therapy is ever complete until you transcend causality. Because the causal game is the moral hypocrisy is that people live by. And I don’t think I don’t think people really realize the truth about their nature, they want you to live in a fantasy about who they are, and how people are supposed to be. I’m not interested in people living but how they’re supposed to be should be ought to be got to be have to be most all that I’m interested in how they are. I’ve been studying human behavior 49 years, and there’s no one sided individual. Yeah, you know, we’ve got enough heroes out there that are turning out to be villains, with the idea that they’re a hero is a delusion. And that’s what’s so funny, the more heroic they are, the more villain they’re hiding. And they don’t realize that. And, you know, I studied had geography to study this saints and had geology. And I guarantee you that these saints were thugs, murderers, killers, many of them were reformed opposites. So they weren’t one sided people. They were they would just help sell the church. Yes, that’s why they got the label. Right. So you really get down to what these people are, you just find out they’re human beings. And I’ve studied enough of them to know that there’s just two sides to people don’t, don’t ever be fooled by a facade as the Buddhist says the desire for that which is unobtainable one side. And the desire to avoid that which is unavoidable the other side is a source of human suffering, and we can simply embrace both sides of life, and we appreciate our lifetime.
Heather Pearce Campbell 39:52
Yeah. Well, and you know, and the whole point for me of this conversation right is in being service For those who are listening and feeling trapped by something like this in their life, one of the other things that I know you have tremendous expertise in is the concept of leadership. Right? And the folks that we’re speaking to are entrepreneurs, they’re leading their businesses, they’re leading their lives. What in your work? What are either some of the most important resources or content cuz I know you create massive amounts of content, you’ve written books, I know you have values exercise, which I’ve personally been through, for somebody that is wanting to grow, especially in the area of leadership, where would you point them?
Dr. John DeMartini 40:42
The first thing I would do is tell him to go to the my website, drdemartini.com and go to the value determination process, the Demartini value determination process, it’s a 13 question questionnaire, take about 30 minutes. And to the degree of your integrity and honesty about the answers, it will be more than eye opening, because it’ll make you look at what your life demonstrates is important to you, not what you think it should be.
Heather Pearce Campbell 41:07
But that’s right. And I was gonna say point out with, because a lot of people are gonna go Yeah, yeah, I’ve done values exercises before, like, I know, tell us how this is different. That’s right. Tell us how this is different.
Dr. John DeMartini 41:21
If you ask somebody what their values are, which I’ve done for 43 and a half years, they’ll tell you a bunch of BS, they’ll tell you what their mother father, preacher, teacher mores, conventions, and traditions of society are expecting. They’re afraid of being rejected by the hurts they tell you what they think that they should be. Or an idealism of peace, or, you know, integrity, or you know, these kind of fantasies.
Heather Pearce Campbell 41:44
Dr. John DeMartini 41:46
I have no internet, I’m interested in what your life demonstrates. My life demonstrates teaching every single day, seven days a week, it represents research and writing every day, I don’t miss a day. I do it every day. So what my life demonstrates is what my value is showing. So I’m interested in how your life has demonstrated how you feel your space, how you’re spending your time most. What is it that energizes you most? What is it you spend your money on most? Where are you most organized? Where you most discipline? What are you thinking about visualizing and affirming about how you would love your life that shows the most evidence and coming true? What are you conversing with other people about that you love talking about most? What is it that inspires you most? What’s common to the people who inspire you most? What is it the three most consistent persistent goals that you’ve had that are coming true? And what is it you love studying most? And you consistently read, study, watch YouTubes or whatever, to gather information, there will be a pattern in those and that pattern will smack you in the face really strongly. And if you look at what number if you answer that three answers for each of those questions, 39 answers, the one that shows up most frequently will smack you and go that’s it. And then I’ve asked 1000s of people when they finished this exercise. Can you see that your life’s identity revolves around that one thing? And they go, yes. Can you see you love learning that? Yes. Can you see that your mission and what you feel you’re on the planet for revolves around that? Yes. Can you see want to be loved and appreciated for that? Yes. Okay, now we’re starting from a basic. Now once we do that, then we ask the question, what is the highest priority action I can do today in this moment, to help me fulfill that and start structuring your life by priority, and releasing and delegating everything else. And you will rise with high integrity, high leadership qualities, to be more objective, manage paradoxes, more centered, less amygdala driven and distracted by impulses and instincts which are seeking and avoid things and more present, and more certain, and you’ll be more grateful, loving, inspired and enthused about what you’re doing. I guarantee leadership emerges from the integrity of living by highest values.
Heather Pearce Campbell 44:07
Now, that’s right, and all of the pain I mean, not all of it much of the pain that we experiences, living a life out of alignment with our values, right and people to don’t recognize the gap
Dr. John DeMartini 44:19
Back to authenticity, every symptom in our life, physiological, psychological, sociological, theological, are all feedback systems to get us to be authentic.
Heather Pearce Campbell 44:29
Well, the attorney in me loves the fact that your values exercises looking at the evidence, right, because I think what happens in other types of values, exercises, people are just regurgitating or guessing or saying what they think they’re supposed to say.
Dr. John DeMartini 44:46
Yeah, I’ve done enough value applications. I mean, over less, I’ve been teaching it 43,44 years. I’ve seen all kinds of stuff out there. And most of it is idealisms about how we’re supposed to be. That’s exactly why, you know, if you if you want the opium of the masses, you’ll sell them the fantasy of what makes them feel good. And that’s not where you’re going to master your life. Yeah, media gratification and hedonism is not going to give you meaning. What makes us different from the animals is meaning and meaning comes from the mean, as Aristotle said, between the two vices is the virtue. And that’s between the excess and deficiency of function, which comes from living by highest value. When you live by your highest value, your self govern yours, you’re more self actualized. You’re more engaged, you’re spontaneous, you have an intrinsic drive. You don’t need extrinsic motivations. I’m not a motivational speaker, I don’t even give a dang about motivation. That’s for people who aren’t having found what they love doing.
Heather Pearce Campbell 45:48
Yeah, well, right. I remember listening to you and that video on your website saying, I don’t want you to have to be motivated, right? I want you to be inspired from within and this amount of clarity. It’s what helps get people to that place. I know that you you see life in seven areas, right? And that we need to become empowered across seven areas of life. What are those? Do you mind sharing those?
Dr. John DeMartini 46:11
Yeah, I mean, the categories that I’ve broken life into different people at different categories are not right or wrong, or just a structure to teach by. But I tend to, I believe that people have a yearning to want to learn, grow their knowledge, continue breaking through the mysteries of their life and become more engaged and learn. And I believe that you’re here to empower that area, and create original ideas that are that you’ve learned that reflect and serve people. And so I try to help people wake up their genius wake up their creativity, their innovation, their their contribution, intellectually. I also believe that people have fulfillment when they’re doing some sort of a contribution in the work that serves people. And so I want to help people build their business. So they can actually make a contribution and feel the fulfillment of a sustainable fair exchange with another human being, where they are doing, you’re doing something that you can’t wait to get up in the morning and get and do and they can’t wait to get it. And then I believe that you’re here to not be a slave to money, but to have mastery over money and financial independence. And I want to show people and do love showing people how to build wealth. In fact, tomorrow on The Next Day is a program on just how to do that. What I did to become very financially independent. And then there’s also a relationship you want to have a sustainable relationship you want to have love and intimacy. Intimacy is having pure reflective awareness, not being too proud or too humble to admit what you see and people inside you pure reflection. And then you also want to have social influence you want to make a difference and you want to contribute How are you going to make a difference if you’re fitting in you only make a difference when you’re living authentically according your own unique set of values, which are fingerprint specific. And then you also want to have a vital body a healthy, vital attractive body, you know, there’s a lovely lady I caught last night is at one with a guy who’s 83 They’re, they’re visiting the ship and and I thought that was interesting, and they were picking each other up outside and I I seen him more alive than I normally see him and it’s because this lovely lady came on. And you know, she was she wanted to make sure that she was attractive, and she was a hottie 81 Hottie and you could see them, they still wanted to have that, that attraction and beauty. And then there’s also you want to be inspired. You want to be inspired by something in your life. And so I believe that any of your life you don’t empower people can overpower you. So if you don’t empower yourself intellectually to be told what to think if you don’t empower yourself in business and be told what to do. If you don’t empower yourself financially be told what to worth, you don’t empower yourself in relationship you doing honey, do crap around the house. If you don’t empower yourself in your social life, you’ll be told propaganda misinformation like we’ve been doing. And if you don’t empower yourself physically, we tell what drugs to take and what organs trim it. If you don’t empower yourself spiritually, you’ll probably be living by some dogma of Aristotle or something of the of an antiquated era. It’s wise to be inspired and empowered in all areas. That’s what I love helping people do.
Heather Pearce Campbell 49:12
Right well, and part of why I wanted to run you through that is because I want listeners to know how broad you’re, you know, the the content, your books, the teachings that you put out, touch all of these areas. For folks that are listening here today, a couple of questions left for you. One, where do you like for people to connect with you for folks that are like, Oh my gosh, I’ve got to check him out his books, his website, like whatever he’s creating, I need to go take a look at it. Where would you send them?
Dr. John DeMartini 49:44
Just my website, drdemartini.com. If they were to go to the website, and do the value determination process and then go on to the media section, probably. The media is has hundreds, I mean, probably 1000s of interviews You know, I’ve done probably close to 10,000 interviews, over the years of radio, television, newspapers, magazines, you know, podcast, you name it, probably 10,000. I’ve written for 15 130 magazines around the world. So I’ve got lots of those things. So you could go on there and you’d have to be a Buddhist believing in reincarnation or something, just to be able to read everything that’s on you, you’re gonna have to come back multiple lives to do it to so much on there. But it’s just there for education, and you can just go and probably devour it. And there’s also YouTube’s hundreds of YouTube’s that you could watch a little video YouTube’s some are 30 minutes, some are hours, some are shorter, but whatever it is, some are all day. But take advantage of that’s all I can say go there. And there’s also live videos and online programs and lab seminars and, and products and books. I mean, just go browse, browse the website and see where it takes you.
Heather Pearce Campbell 50:55
Yes, no, I think I’m absolutely people could, which I find to be true land exactly where they need to land and that stuff back. So and I will share your link for anybody listening, you can find that link and anything else that like if you’re on social media or any other places that you like to connect at the show notes page, which is legalwebsitewarrior.com/podcast. So Dr. John Demartini, it’s been such a pleasure to have you here today, I really have enjoyed my time with you, I feel like it could be a lot longer. But there you like you said you’ve already created. So such a wealth of resources for people to check out. For those that are listening. What final thoughts do you have? For listeners like either you know, something to go do something to change a thought process? What would you like to leave people with?
Dr. John DeMartini 51:49
Well, if you don’t give yourself permission to do something extraordinary, you miss out on the magnificence of your authentic self, because that’s who you are extraordinary. So ask yourself, what is the highest priority action I can do today that will serve the ever greater numbers of people in the most efficient, effective manner, with the resources you have today. If you stick to priority every day, you can’t do anything but build incremental momentum towards something magnificent. And that find that one thing that you love doing, and give yourself permission to do it and delegate the rest away. Don’t do desperate things. Yeah, give yourself permission to shine not shrink, and radiate not gravitate. Because if you do, you’ll exemplify what’s possible, which is the greatest teacher for others.
Heather Pearce Campbell 52:35
I love that so much. And if you’re struggling to find clarity around what is that one thing? Go do the values exercise, right? Love it. Thank you.
Dr. John DeMartini 52:46
There’s no doubt in my mind what mine is. I love sharing and teaching. And so I just do it. I delegated everything else off my plate. Jokingly, when I go to my girlfriend, I say look if I because I’m not so great at certain things. If I was to get George Clooney or Brad Pitt or Gerard Butler, Hugh Jackman to make love with you on my behalf. Would you still love me? Every time they say yes, every time. I’m joking, that’s just a joke. It’s not supposed to be serious. But yeah, I try to delegate everything. I don’t take your coins to delegate.
Heather Pearce Campbell 53:22
I take your votes, like me with grocery shopping or anything that I just feel like it’s a waste of my time. I you know, I’ll say to my husband, like, I think I’m just gonna hire somebody do it. And he’s, the reality is he loves it. Like, No, I’m just gonna do it. But I’m like, no, because that’s time that I want with him or you know, or something else. But I totally get you
Dr. John DeMartini 53:42
I have. I have a thing. I have a little phone here. And I can call the cleaners, this the chef, I can call everything that I need. The concierge. You. I don’t do anything but teach research.
Heather Pearce Campbell 53:59
it’s I mean, you you walk the talk, right? I mean, even saying …
Dr. John DeMartini 54:06
I’ve liberated myself. So I can live an inspired life. You can’t live an inspired life without delegation. Yeah, we have all kinds of we have all these lies in our head of why we have to do all these things, but none of our true.
Heather Pearce Campbell 54:17
I love that I that’s where I want to end you cannot live an inspired life without delegation. Thank you again, such a gift to have you here today. I so appreciate you.
Dr. John DeMartini 54:28
Thank you so much. Thank you for the opportunity to be interviewed. Thank you. Yes, absolutely.
GGGB Outro 54:37
Thank you for joining us today on the Guts, Grit & Great Business™ podcast. We hope that we’ve added a little fuel to your tank, some coffee to your cup and pep in your step to keep you moving forward in your own great adventures. For key takeaways, links to any resources mentioned in today’s show and more, see the show notes which can be found at legalwebsitewarrior.com/podcast. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast and if you enjoyed today’s conversation, please give us some stars and a review on Apple podcast, Spotify or wherever you get your podcast so others will find us too. Keep up the great work you’re doing in the world and we’ll see you next week.